{I wish it was} "spring clean"

I was in the mood to clean this weekend thanks to the February issue of Better Homes and Gardens full of daffodils and hyacinths and green... ahhh, spring is not so far away.  January is just about over, and then... it's all downhill from there.

I let the mood take over and I spent much of Saturday and Sunday scrubbing bathrooms.  Remember, I did have a goal for 2011 to stay on top of my bathrooms a little bit better... I'm proud to say that you could eat off of just about every surface in both the bathrooms.  I would say all the surfaces, but...well, boys do live here.

I love a good, deep clean.  And, thanks to Mrs. Meyers, my house even smells a little spring-ish.  If you have never used Mrs. Meyers products...well, you're just plain missing out.  I work with a gal who said that when she was pregnant she wanted to eat fabric softener it smelled so good to her.  I never could quite wrap my head around that until I met Mrs. Meyers...and, I'm not even pregnant...

So, my bathrooms are clean and now I think I'm feeling in the mood to deep clean the fridge/freezer and clean out the kitchen cabinets.  Probably not until next weekend though...

Today I've carried around a heavy heart.  Two years ago today we lost our daughter, Clementine, 20 weeks into my pregnancy.  Obviously devastated, I wondered if my heart would ever heal from losing her.  A loss so cruel...I never even got to see her face or smell her sweet "new baby" smell.

20 weeks is a long time to carry a child.  Only a mother knows how long that time is...the time spent invested in that baby's well being, the time spent dreaming of a face...of a future...

There were people {and probably still are} who didn't seem to grasp the tremendous loss we felt.  I promised myself that I would never let anyone dictate how I mourned Clementine.  She was our child.  She  was more than a miscarried pregnancy.  She would be remembered, always!

Today as I thought about her, I felt slightly guilty feeling sad.  If I missed her and wanted her, then where did that leave our Eden?  We are so blessed to have Eden in our lives...a child who has brought so much joy to our lives after such pain...I've always thought of her as a gift from God, as I do of all my kids, but maybe she was a gift from Clementine, too.  Our loss of Clementine allowed Eden to come into our lives.  It's ok to mourn Clementine and rejoice in Eden.

It's ok.  

And my heart can heal a little bit more.


      In Memory
Clementine Grace
January 21, 2009

Dear January,

I really dislike you.  I know that may seem a bit harsh, but it's the truth.  I'm not quite sure how you landed the whole "New Year" gig and all.  If I had to guess I'd say that there was either a large sum of money or some kind of favors involved.  It's a theory.

Every year you come in making me feel all hopeful and new, but then you whip out all the snow and below 0 temperatures and reality hits...you're a big, fat BLAH!  I don't feel like organizing or bettering myself {past the first week}...I just want to wrap up in a big fat blanket and sleep like an old bear.

It's true that there are a few of my favorite people who have birthdays in January...and I'm really glad that they're around, but that isn't enough to convince me to love you.  Sorry.

So, just go away will you?  I'm giving you a few weeks to move on out...I'm tired of your shenanigans!  
No hard feelings.  I'm just trying to be honest.

Go away.  Really.

our house

We are blessed with an older home which we have spent the better part of 10 years remodeling.  I remember searching for our first house and being quite adamant that it be old and charming.  I love the idea of updating an older home while still respecting the style and age of the home...

like This Old House on PBS...          

only with considerably less money to work with.

Anyway... I still love and appreciate old homes, only I would like not to live in one anymore.  Well, that's only partly true... I would love to live in one that has been completely updated and remodeled by someone other than us.  Still, not quite true...I would love to live in one that I had complete say over the updating and remodeling minus the bills and headaches that accompany updating and remodeling.  There.


Since that is not likely to happen, I suppose I will appreciate the money pit charming little home we live in.  And, prepare to spend a lot more money updating and remodeling it.  


This house has been a labor of love, and hate I suppose.  I dream of the day we can leave it behind, yet suppress the sobs that try to escape at the thought of leaving.  After all, my sweet dog is buried in this very yard, this is the home we brought our newborn babies home to, this is the home we've been building for over 10 years.   I'm attached...and annoyed.  This house is too small, too drafty, too damp, too creaky...


I've kind of avoided blogging about our home and our projects because sometimes in "blog-land" it feels minuscule and, well,...not up to par.  But in order for me to continue this blog and reach one of my 2011 goals, I've got to keep it real.  


There was a little blurb in the Jan./Feb. issue of Midwest Living:  "What's the clearest expression of who you are?  Your home!  It tops hobbies, causes, community, brands and jobs, according to 66 percent of surveyed adults."  That's how I feel.  It's what I've tried explaining to my husband.  It's incredibly difficult for me to feel that way and have a home that has been in limbo for so long...not organized, not decorated the way I want, unfinished rooms, peeling paint...but, this is our life... this is my home.  As The Nester says..."It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful."  And, over at Clover Lane..."It doesn't have to be beautiful to be perfect."  Thank God.

The end.

Not the best for a blog header, just playing around...I actually got it to work!  Hooray!

Happy 2011

A bit behind...I know, I know!  My New Year has just gotten a bit happier with the purchase of a new computer!  Hooray!!  No more hour long (at the least) posting sessions.  Not exactly kid friendly!

Anyway.... Happy New Year!  Time for the resolutions...or what I prefer to call goals (less pressure somehow).  This year, for some reason, goals are sprouting up in my head and overwhelming my pea-brain.  I hadn't really given much thought to the New Year approaching, yet here were all these ideas spinning around in there.  So, since I'm sure you are all dying to know, here they are...


My Goals for 2011


Spend more one on one time with my husband

Spend more one on one time with my Mom

Clean up my mouth

Clean up my bathrooms a bit more often...namely the toilets.   (That being said, you may wonder why with two young boys and my husband how that became my goal... regardless, there will be no before pictures for this one!)

Laugh more

Keep it real


That's it...my "hope-to-succeed list" for 2011.  Not real impressive, but all important to me nonetheless!
Look for more posts soon with pictures people!  I know...exciting!!!!

its almost here!

My last two posts are BLAH!  Really, I am enjoying some things about this time of year!  The kids are crazy but FULL to the brim of Christmas Spirit!  It does inspire me...so, things to be buttoning up this week:

1. Bake
2. Wrap
3. Relax

I hope to get all that in!  I work every day up until Christmas Eve so we'll see...

Hope your last week is full of joy, laughter, and excited anticipation (as it should be!)

Top 10 Christmas Bah Humbug's...

10. Black Friday.  Sad what our society is reduced to...mass hysteria to save $50 on a game system!

 9.  The "green, greedy give-me's" that start when all the toy catalogs and commercials start showing up.

 8.  The " biggest Christmas sale" adds that appear every Sunday in the paper featuring discounts that  
      amount to nothing really...

 7.  The pressure to buy, buy, buy wherever you go.

 6.  Watching people you know (and even those you don't know) spend, spend, spend on gifts that are
      purchased out of obligation rather than out of love.

 5.  The weight that I inevitably gain.

 4.  The sleep that I inevitably loose.

 3.  Christmas cards.  How I spend nearly $100 to send out 70 and receive only 35 in return.  People who
      don't send them and have no guilt about it must be smarter than me!

 2.  How I get "too busy" with all crap Christmas nonsense that I cannot do the things I really want to do with
      my kids, even though every year I say "I'm not gonna get too busy with all the crap Christmas nonsense!"

 1.  How the real reason for the season has been virtually eliminated from Christmas.  Christmas has
      become a way for us to boost our economy rather than our spirits!  It's appalling!

I truly cannot believe that it has been over one month since I last posted, but I guess it has.  Life has been so busy!  I feel like all I do is wine about my life and how hard it is to blog.  I love my life...truly, I do.  And honestly the fact that I cannot get around to blogging only saddens me from the standpoint that I'm not recording any memories for my family.  All that's happened the past month will quickly fade from my memory and I'll look back and think "Why did I have a big blank NOTHING right there?". 

It's been busy with "stuff".  That's why.  And not all of it has been overwhelmingly important, but necessary nonetheless.  Thanksgiving, of course.  My favorite holiday.  Should I not have SOMETHING to say about it?  I will refrain this year.  And hope that the not-so-good parts fade from my memory and that all I remember is the good.  I've been shuffling people here and there.  We've been to Omaha to see my beautiful niece, Lilly, dance in the Nutcracker ballet.  I've spent countless hours doing laundry, shopping on-line, paying bills, making dinner, picking up, helping with homework, and working...of course.

And the time flies...ticks...passes and slips... Just another day, week, month in my life.  Busy with the people I love.  Just the way I want it.

welcome

a little piece of heaven...

Ryan Abigail
7 lbs. 2 oz.
18 1/2 inches
October 30, 2010

Congrats Nadalie and Andy!  "She's a beaut!!"

Halloween highlights

As much as I'm ready to put Halloween behind me, I have to share some pics from our weekend...

Pumpkin carving with Dad-Dad



my hottie husband



BOO!



TRICK OR TREAT!!!



But, probably our most exciting weekend event was the arrival of Chris' brother Andy's little girl!  She arrived on October 30th about a week earlier than planned.  For some reason I cannot get her picture to upload, so I'll have to add her picture later!  Nothing beats having your own kids, but in my opinion, welcoming a child of a sibling into this world is a close second!