Today I've carried around a heavy heart.  Two years ago today we lost our daughter, Clementine, 20 weeks into my pregnancy.  Obviously devastated, I wondered if my heart would ever heal from losing her.  A loss so cruel...I never even got to see her face or smell her sweet "new baby" smell.

20 weeks is a long time to carry a child.  Only a mother knows how long that time is...the time spent invested in that baby's well being, the time spent dreaming of a face...of a future...

There were people {and probably still are} who didn't seem to grasp the tremendous loss we felt.  I promised myself that I would never let anyone dictate how I mourned Clementine.  She was our child.  She  was more than a miscarried pregnancy.  She would be remembered, always!

Today as I thought about her, I felt slightly guilty feeling sad.  If I missed her and wanted her, then where did that leave our Eden?  We are so blessed to have Eden in our lives...a child who has brought so much joy to our lives after such pain...I've always thought of her as a gift from God, as I do of all my kids, but maybe she was a gift from Clementine, too.  Our loss of Clementine allowed Eden to come into our lives.  It's ok to mourn Clementine and rejoice in Eden.

It's ok.  

And my heart can heal a little bit more.


      In Memory
Clementine Grace
January 21, 2009